how to score with…

©2023 michael raven

Something is terribly pathetic in the fact that, in the course of trying to find humor in my gloomy outlook this morning, I stumbled on one of those instructional pages. You know the type, the kind that have cartoon characters and drawings that are meant to help you stepwise to change oil, wash a cat, bake bread, boil water… I forget the site, but they have everything under the sun.

The pathetic part was that what I stumbled upon was detailed instructions on “how to pick up a goth chic”.

I didn’t read any of it because I was looking for silly pictures in my search, not written sources of laughter. But the drawings of the toons that went with it were just plain sad and pathetic, about on par with what you would expect someone who knows nothing at all about goth culture on the best way to pick up goth women.

Why does this feel like a bucket list thing lately? Score with a goth girl…

And then I recall just how diluted the current “goth” subculture has gotten and I can see where some goths might be actually impressed by someone following these instructions. In my day (okay, old man), most of those tactics would have garnered a raised eyebrow if you got any reaction at all. Some of these suggestions are so phony, I can’t imagine anyone truly into goth subculture from my time falling for it unless they wanted to take advantage of the paramour for other reasons.

Call me a purist, but how interesting can someone be if they are easily swayed by weekend warrior versions of a goth guy who uses instructables to appeal to her?

Or, maybe, I’m just a bitter old man.

It’s okay — I’m heading back into my dark cave now to pull the legs off of flies.

13 thoughts on “how to score with…

    1. I loved how the nightclub I went to in the 90s would apply a “tourism surcharge” to anyone not dressed like the regulars. $5 if you wore something, anything fetish (a choker was enough). $20 if you came in your polo and khakis.

      We didn’t have many “tourists”.

      Liked by 1 person

            1. Only rumors, but I would assume people who were obvious poseurs. They came around every now and again and I always saw them walk away looking pissed with the bouncer looking smug.


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