nohigh

©2022 Michael Raven

is it too much to hope
someone will listen
without judgment?
without inferring more
than those plain words
used?

i don't want what your
average schmoe wants

i just want to escape
constant pain for an
hour or a day

---

I’ve made it no secret that I suffer from chronic pain. I’ve been trying for something going on the order of fifteen years to get someone to help me find relief for more than a few minutes.

I’ve tried (by doc recommendation or otherwise):

• heat therapy
• cold therapy
• RA medications
• antiinflammatories (OTC/Rx)
• antidepressants (Rx)
• diet, including salt, sugar, carb and caffeine reductions
• stopped smoking
• steroids (Rx)
• lifestyle changes
• weightloss
• mindfulness
• CBD
• and the list goes on

One of the recent thing I’ve tried because it recently became legal to sell in Minnesota as an OTC substance, are edibles with THC (as long as the THC is from hemp and has a concentration of less than 5 mg THC/gummy). I am an alcoholic, but I have zero interest in getting a THC high (I never much cared for marijuana and getting high, even as a teen; my poison was always alcohol), so those concentrations are about right. When they are as indicated on the label, anyway.

I have been exploring microdosing THC as a means of getting pain-free (2.5 mg seems to be about on the mark for my needs). The problem is, the edibles market is largely unregulated at the moment (due to the ninja addition to the law by lawmakers) and I can’t be certain that I’m consistently getting what is on the label. There is no testing, or assurances of standardization. I mean — color alone tells you there are inconsistencies with the dye or flavoring, if nothing else. I just want to know that I’m putting a constant amount of something in my body when I put something in it.

My new doc let it slip offhand that he’s licensed to give prescriptions for medical cannabis. I emailed him for something else and just asked if I heard correctly — and, if so, I’d be interested in visiting this as a option. The gummies I have been using seem to typically make it easier to stay asleep without pain, so I wanted to investigate the more medical options. He is out for several weeks, but a back-up doctor in that clinic’s system (licensed for this, of course) gave me a call to let me know they’d be willing to evaluate me in the meantime.

The last time I made an appointment for this was a disaster. The doctor was late to the appointment (by 45 minutes) even though I was the first of the day. Plus Covid was new, so he only did a (across the room) visual examination and an interview. Then, he proceeded to treat me like a guy just looking to score some drugs and insisted that I try all kinds of different drugs with mixed efficacy, but were all antidepressants after I explicitly told him that I was strongly opposed to antidepressants as a possible solution to my pain after what I had already tried (and weened myself off of). What does he do? Prescribes me antidepressants even though I told him I wouldn’t be filling the Rx if he did.

I’m hoping this guy listens next week — I’m not interested in a high, I just want pain relief, money is not an issue for options like this (there is an annual fee for a permit), and I don’t want any fucking antidepressants. And guess what? I will let any permit issued to me lapse if it doesn’t turn out to be a solution because… I could care less about getting high.