Admission

©2022 Michael Raven

Morrigan owns me.

I am hers/theirs. It’s always been this way, although I’ve been ignorant of the truth, sometimes willfully, over the years. No one has accused me of being all that bright. Some of us come to the truth quicker than others and I tend to tread the winding side branches of the main road, and it took many times returning to that highway to realize the dynamics of the situation. That, too, has always been my way of doing things.

I’m a bit dense. Now, that is something I’ve been accused of being. I see they are right about that in retrospect.

Where does that leave me? Surrender and acceptance. I now return.

Actually, I say “now” but it’s been a long time since I surrendered; I just haven’t admitted it publicly.

Why do you say “surrender”, Michael? It sounds like a bad thing when you say it like that. Isn’t a good thing that you’ve found your path?

Sure. It’s a fantastic realization. I’m glad for it. However, in my great stupidity, I thought I was smarter that the spirits. I thought there was something else that was, frankly, not draped in the baggage of popular culture assigning values and imagined interconnective webs to “the triune goddess of death”, forgetting she/they are much more than this imagined “battlemage” raining death on everyone, and that is all she was worshipped for.

I didn’t want to have to deal with the knowing nods and whispers of “badASS choice, dude”. Because there was no choice involved. It just is, and there was nothing badass about my choice. It was probably decided for me before I was born, although, I want the emphasize, there is no resentment in that comment.

Some things are as they are. Who am I to think I know more than my ancestors and the spirits?

That is more what the surrender and acceptance is about. Accepting that I’m not smarter than a myriad of other entities involved.

So, are you saying you are back to being a daoist/zen neopagan druid?

Nope. I’ve learned a lot from all of those paths, certainly. But this is my own thing that I’ve referred to as “The Old Ways” in the past. For now, I trust the spirits and Morrigan to guide me on the path, regardless of what other groups believe or practice. I don’t believe in boxing things up and compartmentalizing everything, defining authenticity based on what gatekeepers claim without direct knowledge (and I mean direct). If zen helps me understand something better, so be it, but it doesn’t define what I am doing anymore than joining a wiccan coven. I’m not going to do the latter either, by the way — I’m 100% lone wolf anymore, I’ve gone to hedge.

I’ve got my raven and obsidian, my thorn and bone. The rest of my tools and trade will find me as it is needed.

I’m just learning to trust the voice I should have trusted long ago.

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