Seattle soon

©2022 Michael Raven

In roughly 48 hours, I will be returning to my other home for the first time in about twenty years (I won’t include the layover at the airport about eighteen years ago). The trip feels like a pivot point for me, although I cannot put my finger on the why of that feeling. Standard offer applies: if you’re in the area when I am and want to mooch a coffee off of me, I would welcome the company for as long as it takes to drink a latté before I let you escape; however, I don’t expect anyone to lighten my wallet by taking me up on the offer. Still, it stands as it always does.

Seattle…

I only lived in Seattle a short while, and Minnesota is my first home, but I’ve been aching for quite some time to go back, an undefinable urge to return to the place I call my home away from home. I won’t repeat all of the various reasons for wanting to go back. There are other posts where I wax none-to-lyrical about such things.

I’ve been feeling a creeping sense that there is more than my already mentioned reasons for going back. Something is pulling me there and, at the risk of sounding like a bit of a flake, I sense that something life-changing is going to happen while I am there. I can’t say what, but my intuitive mind is screaming at the top of it’s lungs — not one of those terrified screams, but more of one of those “SQUEE!” kinds of screams and I sure as hell wish it would let me in on the secret.

And yet, I remain clueless.

There, lingering in the shadows of my psyche, is also a sense of impending loss of some kind. Again, I can’t wrap my head around what that might be, but there is a hint of wistful sadness about something that will soon be gone.

Yes, I realize admitting all of this doesn’t do much to move me away from being pegged “a flake”, and I honestly don’t much care. I’m tired of making sure I sound entirely sane all of the time. I don’t know that anyone ever is completely sane — another game I’m starting to get the urge to refuse to play as I grow older and nominally wiser. At least, that’s what they say your elders are: wiser. I’m not so certain, now that I’m slipping into the personal era of being “older”.

I told my therapist something along these lines and he did a really good job of not eyerolling and maintaining a stony face. But I think I saw the hints of “OMFG” in the creases on his face and a few eye-twitches.

But there is this energy, this vibe, I pick up as the time grows closer to my flight. Wake up wake up wake up, it seems to shout. But I am awake, I tell that shouting voice. The response I hear in my head is laughter. Roaring laughter. Or, at least I thought I was, I add. And then… That’s what you get for thinking…

6 thoughts on “Seattle soon

  1. On Monday I returned to the place where I had worked for over two decades. I had not been back for 18 months. It was a strange feeling. Startlingly familiar but I no longer belonged. It’s like a country I visit where I once felt I belonged. Now feel like a tourist when I go back. Very familiar. My accent melds into the soundscape because it meets something familiar. Then I feel strange. No longer part of it. Like a left and they all got on with life in my absence. Have a good trip.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I most feel like the mirror of that: where I’m currently at — work, home, city — I feel like a tourist in my daily life. Something I recognize, but…

      Thank you. You take care of yourself.

      Like

  2. These feelings, feelings you can’t rationalise but somehow know are going to be life altering don’t come along often. I’m glad that you have the courage to follow whatever it is that is pulling you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I’ve learned over time that my intuition is often more right than wrong and trusting it has even saved my life a few times. Plus, when the Spidey senses are tingling, important things are going to happen.

      Liked by 1 person

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