Anxiety

©2021 Michael Raven

I don’t know if anyone else has this issue, but I’m having one of those “anxious days”.

For some unknown reason, my anxiety has been escalating throughout the day. It happens every once in a while, and today is apparently one of those days. It’s one of those “I could use a drink or a smoke” kind of days, both of which have not been part of my life for over ten years. In fact, I’d probably be chain-smoking like a fiend if it were twenty years ago… I would get all tied up in knots, sometimes about actual things, but just as often about nothing that I could put my finger on — and then I would go through a pack or two a day (back when you could afford to do such things). Fortunately (or unfortunately), I don’t have that habit any longer to rely on. And drinking is out of the question.

I started off my day fine, aside from waking up later than usual and feeling discombobulated the whole morning as a result. Then I got back home from my one must-do chore for the day and started getting wound tighter and tighter as the day progressed. And, by the time cooking for dinner came around, I was.. not manic, but charged like you wouldn’t believe, and increasingly surly to boot.

Of course, it doesn’t help that I have issues with several of the rack extensions in Reason (for some reason, they all three decided not to speak to the PC keyboard’s “piano keys” in the past few days) and glitches always get me annoyed. Nor does it help that I had cleaning to take care of before I could cook. Nor does it help that I would much rather be doing something else than what I have available as options to do tonight. So, annoyed — I can see. But… anxious? Why?

I hate these anxious days. They make me want to just “run off and join the circus”, if anyone knows what I mean by that. I want to be selfish, to escape from everything and I have no outlet for that tonight. I want to go do irresponsible things and tell the world to take a flying leap at a rolling donut.

Because, honestly, I know I could potentially find a calmness after I gave in to these impulses, however selfish and impractical they are.

And maybe, just maybe, I should quit being so damned responsible all of the time. I don’t know that doing so ever helped me in the long run.

Photo by Brian James on Pexels.com

7 thoughts on “Anxiety

    • Things are better today. Maybe I shaved off my anxiety (lol; I gave myself a Vikings-style mohawk yesterday evening)… I’m extremely lucky I have someone willing to listen to me blather on about nothing in particular because it seemed to chase away most of those last remnants of anxiousness — not everyone has that.

      Thanks for the well-wishes! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome. 🙂 ❤ The mohawk sounds really cool! Are you pleased with how it turned out? I agree, it is very important to have someone who will listen when we want to talk at length about whatever we need to, I'm so happy that you have someone supporting you like that. I find it very important to me having a person like that in my life too. Have a wonderful week and I look forward to continuing to read your posts and updates.

        Liked by 1 person

        • The hair seems to have met the approval of most people who have seen it (but not all of them). I think it turned out okay and will like it more once I add some length to hold down some of the volume my natural curl brings to the look.

          Thank you for your words. I really appreciate them and your continued readership. ❤

          Liked by 1 person

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