Mostly based on whim, but also because I have a birthday coming up and I thought I’d I’ll draw a single tarot card each day for the next week. Everything through Thursday this week as past/present readings and the weekend (including Friday) for the shape of things to come.
Caveats: See my 29 March post for full caveat language. I don’t see use as a divination tool, but as a tool for self-reflection. Interpretations are paraphrased or quoted from biddytarot.com unless I note otherwise. This is not an endorsement of the site or their definitions. Images are Rider Waite for copyright reasons, but I use the Crow Tarot deck in person.
Today is X | Wheel of Fortune (reversed):
Note: This card reversed has some conflicting messages when compared to the other cards from the week. Some fit “better” and, at the risk of cherry-picking meaning, I am listing the interpretations that fit better with cards drawn earlier in the week.
Signifies opportunity to take control of your destiny and get your life back on track, starting with accepting responsibility for where you are now. Consider what you can do to avoid making the same mistakes you’ve made in the past. There may be some personal resistance to change, subconsciously or consciously. Accept change is inevitable and things will flow much smoother.
“…[T]he reversed Wheel of Fortune might mean that you are finally breaking a negative cycle that has been present in your life. Perhaps you have realised how your actions have created a repetitive situation and are now ready to break free from the cycle. For some, this may flow naturally following a period of introspection and self-discovery. For others, things may need to hit rock bottom before you are ready to see what is no longer serving you (especially if the Devil or Tower is in your reading).” [Biddy Tarot]
Me and the inverted images, sheesh. And Major Arcana. Sheesh.
Full disclosure, I basically ignored the “bad luck” element of the interpretation. If anything, my life is actually feeling more like good fortune, while the “resistance to change” and having negative elements in my life until recently seems a bit more “in tune”.
Enough quotation marks. Let’s get down to business…
I have spent most of the past 30 years of life struggling to come to terms with accepting change and acceptance that I do not have the control I used to think I had. In fact, I think that for the most part I’ve been succeeding in that mission, to the point of annoyance for some people who have known me (part of one of my friendships dissolving was because I kept talking about accepting change as inevitable with a friend who didn’t care for my “hippie-assed bullshit” anymore). It started in earnest about 25 years ago, during the events described in yesterday’s reading. I won’t go into that tale again. At the time, I got fixated on the Death as symbolic of change, ravens likewise symbolic of change (I had gotten comfortable with my totem), and the cyclical nature of change so much that I had Death leaning over a Celtic circle of entwined ravens tattooed on my leg to be a persistent reminder that change was necessary and inevitable.
But that doesn’t mean I instantly accepted that truth. It took me until recently to fully accept that mantra. Part of acceptance is also understanding that any control I thought I had about most changes was illusionary at best. There is part of me that probably still clings to the idea that if I don’t like how something changes, I merely need to apply willpower to force a change I like better — or to prevent a change.
I hit a dark spell there this past winter. Honestly, it still lingers a bit, but I’m tired of the with self-feeding negativity defining me.
I told someone recently that I’ve started to grasp some of what I felt on a spiritual level when I was 18-23 (I actually limited it to 18-19, but I have since reflected that the spell lingered on closer to the age of about 23). Without going into details, it was a period where I felt comfortable in my own skin for once and I felt I could do almost anything. I was making strides in my practice that astounded even me and it seemed like I could see tons of patterns emerging out of the whole cloth of my reality. It was only when I uprooted myself in the process of chasing unicorns (that were nothing much more than old pipe dreams) that it fell away and everything seemed broken (and got worse). It ways, I think my experience did break part of me and it’s taken this long to rebuild whatever was decimated — in large part because of my leaning into the escapism of liquor and, then, letting myself be talked into medication that altered the fiber of who I was because it was easier than approaching my problems head-on.
So, to sum it up, the draw today could have had some potential dark messaging, except I think I am beyond those messages for the moment. Let’s say this is the final day of “past and present” and look forward for tomorrow.