Mostly based on whim, but also because I have a birthday coming up and I thought I’d have some fun with doing tarot readings leading up to it, I think I’ll draw a single tarot card each day for the next week to see what I have currently going on in that archetypal head of mine looking into the present and my future. Let’s go easy on the cards and I’ll consider everything through Thursday this week as past/present readings and the weekend (including Friday) for the shape of things to come.
Normal caveats apply: I see tarot as potential method of understanding the inner psyche and self-learning — I don’t see it as a divination tool. I know there are folks who strongly disagree with me, but I know there are also quite a few who see tarot in the same light as me; a tool for self-reflection. This is why I never do a reading for anyone else, because it can confuse the issue by me applying my interpretation on their understanding and perhaps biasing what they might learn from tossing down any number of cards. Most people throw down at least three cards (often more), but I like to keep it simple and just draw a single card. Interpretations are paraphrased or quoted from biddytarot.com unless I note otherwise. The choice for using that source is the site is not ad-riddled, the definitions are largely in agreement with what I find elsewhere with some of the more mystical elements stripped, and it is easy to find a card without drilling down. It is not an endorsement of the site or their definitions.
Today is XX | Judgement (reversed):
Period of reflection and self-evaluation is required. I may have kept universal themes woven through my life secret or hidden. Work on self-forgiveness, self-acceptance, self-love, release and freedom.
The Call: “The Judgement reversed often appears when the Universe is trying to send you a message and invite you to something bigger, but you’re not listening. Maybe you’re afraid of the sacrifice you will need to make to heed the call, or you’re worried you are not ready to step into a more prominent role and just want to play it safe. You are doing your best to pretend you didn’t receive it and are carrying on with your daily life, hoping it will go away. But let’s be honest – the ‘call’ never goes away; it just gets louder and louder until you pay attention. It’s time to push past your inner fears and self-doubt, and trust that the Universe has your back. This is happening for a reason.” [Biddy Tarot]
I find it interesting that I see to keep drawing major arcana with some of the reoccurring messages at the same time that I have decided to dig down into my personal understanding of the universe and try to “bite my own teeth” a bit on the matter (which is why I think it has proven somewhat of a trial at times).
As I delved into the Eastern philosophies to augment my other studies in the late 90s, those other studies/practices fell by the wayside (at the time: Lakota myth and ritual, Celtic shamanism) as I felt I had found the essence of what I was trying to reach in Taoist and Zen approaches, but I never felt entirely comfortable in leaving my other knowledge buried. I kept getting drawn back to parts of it that still seemed to hold secrets or value. However, telling folks you are into Zen and Tao is received a whole hell of a lot better than saying you are a neo-pagan or a witch, even thirty years later. Sometimes, it’s nice to not have to swim upstream. “Playing it safe” is what I’ve done for most of those years, not rocking the boat, not asserting my thoughts and opinions too strongly, not getting involved. My alcoholism did a lot to damage my standing, and I often doubted what I thought I had previously understood. Was it true understanding? Or just the fantasies of dear beloved drunk guy?
But, longer-time readers will notice that I’ve undergone a bit of an inflection point these past few months, and starting to come back to the Old Ways, only I should probably call it my New Old Ways, because it is informed by all the intellectual journeying I’ve done over the years and only resembles the other interpretations of the Old Ways in the overlaid veneer I have pasted over it. I don’t even know that “Old Ways” should be applied, as I struggle to reconcile that the phrase may largely be fantasy and has only the slimmest of data to inform it. I’ve started refreshing my brain, investigating, looking to the spirit, trying to reclaim what I had buried deep inside for the sake of expedience and quietude. I don’t know that I see myself as a witch, or even a neo-pagan these days. Part of my process of late has been trying to define myself (see first paragraph in this section), and I don’t know that either apply in the way that most people understand the words — at large or in the community itself.
I see this card (as drawn today) as a confirmation of that process of embracing who I am instead of hiding or hating on who I am. It is one of those past/present cards which points to the place I was and the process I am undertaking. It was a valuable card to reflect on.