Nerves

I used to be a hairstylist in a past life, before going the chemistry guy with an interest in forensics science (before CSI was but a spunk stain in someone’s pants, BTW) and multivariate statistics. There was a period where I managed an espresso bar and did a bunch of other things too, but my last real “career” type job was as a stylist.

And, that’s been a bit of a boon with four women in the household, saving oodles of money on paying other people to do hair that, even with my lack of practice, I can do mostly better than what they want me to pay oodles of cash for. Including my own hair (I used to go to a barber, but got tired of fixing the haircuts I received when I got home and decided to save that money as well).

I was a competition stylist, so some of the confidence in my abilities comes from the fact that I received accolades for my skills. Plus, word-of-mouth client building was pretty loud back in the day, as I often unintentionally stole clients from other stylists at my shops because of my willingness to go beyond their expectations. You know — your normal stylist is busy, but you are desperate for [insert hair service] for that big event and you didn’t plan ahead. “Michael has time, though.” Wave my hand and say, ‘hi’. It also didn’t hurt that in the derangement of “Rachel cuts” (Jen Aniston razor cuts during Friends period), I was one of the few people in town at the time doing actual razor cuts with a non-guarded straight-edge razor. Most stylists at the time were relying on gimmicky tricks with texturizing sheers and doing “slithering” with their blades to try and get the same effect. Me? Whip out the straight-edge, initially scare the bejesus out of the client and then show that I was getting a softer cut than the thinning/texturizing or standard sheers could ever hope to get unless you purchased high-end Japanese blades (which I had), but a straight edge could still do it in a fraction of the time.

And then, because those shags were all about the texture, I did fun things like back-comb with the razor to rough up the cuticle layer of the hair and skip the whole perm-rinse or highlighting tricks of the time to create volume. Again, saving money and time for the client, earning kudos in the process — which they would often then happily apply their savings to their hair products and I end up with the same amount on commission sales as service sales anyway. Some of the techniques I came up with had willing Guinea pigs in other stylists, sometimes my clients would offer up their heads for experiments, knowing I’d go subtle enough at first until I found out if something worked. And then we’d go crazy.

There are few things I have a big ego about. One is my barista skills which, at the time, were uncommon at best (and arguably nonexistent these days except in boutique specialized cafes). The other was my ability to cut hair. Perms were meh. Highlighting? Better than average mostly because I didn’t rush and I took fine weaves for my foils. Color? I was experimental and I could usually hit the target with my knowledge of hair color theory at the time. Formal up-dos? SUCKED. Hair straightening treatments? Those chemicals scared the shit out of me, so I avoided them whenever possible; so, SUCKED.

Cutting? “Your ability isn’t as good as you think you are, but you’re pretty damn fucking good,” to quote the guy who then decided to hire me when I lived in Seattle. He helped refine some of my cutting techniques to be better without “cheating”, as he thought of some of my techniques.

So, why “Nerves” for the post title.

Well, I’m out of practice. Eyesight is not what it was. Thirteen year old daughter wants to go from natural dark blonde pony-tail approaching ass-length to a modified platinum blonde wedge/pixie tomorrow. No pictures of her hair, I’m sure you can imagine it. But she wants something like this in the end:

reference picture for haircut; source: pinterest

Now… I used to be good, but it’s been 20+ years since I did something like the above cut and my skills are not what they used to be. Plus: that’s extreme for a haircut. I’m honestly surprised she’s wanting to do it, as change-adverse as she has always been. But she is super gung-ho about it and doesn’t want to put it off even another week.

Now, she does have to put up with one demand from me and that we don’t do everything tomorrow for the simple fact that there is no way she can lose that kind of weight of hair and expect the hair to behave at all like the above picture for at least a week, maybe longer. In my experience, this drastic of a change is going to require a refining haircut next weekend as the hair quits spazzing out about the weight trimmed off the ends.

In a week, we’ll refine it closer to this look and THEN bleach and tone-wash the yellow left behind by the bleach to platinum, filling it will blue overtones to cancel out the yellow. Again, doing THAT has been over 25+ years, back when I was still doing it on my ex-wife so she could take a bit and color it violet or cherry red (usually her fringe/bangs).

I haven’t done anything this extreme to someone in ages and I’m suddenly more nervous than she is, hoping I haven’t forgotten something over the years and fuck it up.

Coming from something like this woman’s hair (her scalp hair is a similar color to my daughter’s, although she’s got some foiling going on with the rest):

source: pinterest

Yeah… I’m scared as hell and can’t let it show. Wish me luck.

15 thoughts on “Nerves”

    1. I made the decision before she was born that I was going to let her do whatever she wanted with her appearance as long as it was tastefully done. If she could go to a funeral in whatever styles she chose to have, then it was acceptable to me. Coming from a goth/postpunk subculture back in the day, I have a pretty wide range of things I find acceptable to wear at funerals and weddings.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Duuuude… you’re gonna crush it! You ARE! I believe in you. Just leave all the time behind and let your hands go into automatic mode. What a blessing your girls have in you! Most women/daughters couldn’t say their man/dad can treat them in such a special way! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

            1. I’m not so certain about that. If you heard the torrents of tears at the concept of haircuts in general, you might hear everlasting bitterness in those tears if I dared.

              As it is, 4-6 inches _IS_ coming off. I’m just not going to tell them that’s how much it is (“’tis but a trim”).

              Liked by 1 person

            2. You would shudder if you saw my hair. I have always cut my own hair, except when I used to shave it, in which others did.

              I largely do not care about what my hair looks like… and it shows.

              Liked by 1 person

            3. Doubt it. I went through a self-prescribed 12-step program for recovering hairstylists. I don’t even look at hair unless there’s something exceptional about it. And I have to admit there is something appealing about the style/color the eldest chose for me. It’s striking in a number of ways.

              Liked by 1 person

        1. About as can be expected when :

          1) she’d never had short hair and we didn’t know what it would do when you cut off 75% of the weight

          2) she got nervous about the super short back and wanted me to make something a bit shag-like.

          3) she had latent curls that were up to now undiscovered once she got off all the weight and damage

          4) her hairstylist is 25 years out of practice for anything other than basic cuts (as opposed to sculptured cuts).

          I should go back and clean it up next weekend, after her hair figures out how it wants to behave and we need to color it still. She started crying when she saw the initial drastic cut — not because she was upset, but because, as she told her mother: “Mom, I look pretty for once.” And that was mostly just hacking off the ponytail.

          I don’t think either of us is entirely happy with where it is — me less happy than she is — but I expected it to not behave the way I intended because of the drastic nature of the cut. I had already planned on refining after a week.

          The twins — they actually like it now that mom isn’t pulling on their tangled split ends and so they think it was a good thing now.

          Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s