we snuck
onlyfriends, we said
suspicious boyfriend
unseeing but seeing
all the same

we lied.
or i did, anyway
maybe it was all a lie --
maybe the night we kissed
was a lie
suspicions confirmed
but still a lie

'he's an asshole,
but i can't do this,
even to an asshole.'

idiot. fool. moron.

i'll never know
- what was lie
- what was real

still, when she writes to me...
it sounds sad too
like regrets in a downpour rain
or so i like to imagine.

i fell that moment
when she first told me
her name
and haven't quite
been able to 
let it go for more
than half a lifetime

my soul aches
more than all of
my other pain

© Michael Raven

3 thoughts on “soulache/

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