I’ve been (relatively) quiet today for several reasons:
- I’ve not been sleeping well and it has caught up with me, so I took an old man nap this afternoon to try and recover some of what escaped me last night. Usually something triggers me after I’ve been asleep for a few hours and wakes me. I get to thinking in the wee hours and when I get to thinking I sometimes cannot shut it off. It could be a loud noise (last night) or one of my old car accident injuries, or it could be inflammation from RA/t2d -> pain. skinwalking/ was a result of thinking about some things and imagining one of the neighborhood foxes paying my back yard visit like it did so often as a kit.
- I have been doing the dangerous thing called thinking today (and, well, most of the day yesterday as well). I don’t know that I want to get into it, because it sounds odd even in my head and I’m the one thinking it. But, on the other hand, it has been something I’ve been struggling with trying to explain and describe here when I go off on some of my dinkum thinkum pieces — so I like that I’m internally making progress at the sacrifice of not being able to describe those particular thinks adequately. I don’t know that I will ever be able to, so there you go. Grokking is occurring, but not to the point that I can make sense of it for someone else.
- Having said this before, I’m sure no one will believe me (least of all me), but I think I have gotten out my erotica-style poems for the time being. I have a new theme I want to explore and I don’t know that there is a good name for it, but Acquiesce and visioning/ are two pieces borne from some of that desire to for exploration. We’ll call it “trying to develop a sense of ecstatic”, with ecstatic being less related to sexual ecstasy, and more about the mystical ecstasy. See Rumi, although I lean in an entirely different direction of thought.
- Work has been challenging. After being terribly slow these past few months, I suddenly have my plate full, namely with reviewing raw analytical data to make sure the data was processed and reported without error and properly. I haven’t done it for a number of years now, so I’m having to retrain myself how to look at the data. Combine that with the fact that I am unfamiliar with the laboratory’s presentation of the data and I feel like a blind man trying to cross a highway. If my responses to comments seem “off” it’s probably because I have at least one foot in the reams of raw instrumentation output. Fun! (not fun).
- Doomscrolling. I don’t know what else to say about that other than recent events have gotten me to increase my tendency to doomscroll. Also: digging into my memories of Constitutional Law from when I wanted to be a forensic scientist only to discover that I might get paid more to be a janitor and would never be able to afford to pay back my student loan from a prestigious private university at the pay they were offering for Forensic Scientist I at the time. As it is, I’ll probably be paying that loan off until I retire, maybe longer. But Constitutional law has come up quite a bit recently for various reasons and I like to refresh my memory before writing crazy old guy comments to some of the WaPo opinion-piece writers who have a terrible grasp of the Constitution while they spew disinformation about what the Constitution says based on their cereal-box education and understanding on such matters. Having been accused of stifling someone’s right to free speech myself in a former incarnation of this blog, I know full well that most of what folks are hearing is utter balderdash because I argued with a troll at length about a similar matter before I shut him down completely…. But guns. And rallying cries. Social networks chaos. And too many people drinking the Koolaid. Bad mix. Doomscroll.
There’s also plotting world domination, but that doesn’t deserve a bullet point. Just ask Pinky.