I’ve been (relatively) quiet today for several reasons:

  • I’ve not been sleeping well and it has caught up with me, so I took an old man nap this afternoon to try and recover some of what escaped me last night. Usually something triggers me after I’ve been asleep for a few hours and wakes me. I get to thinking in the wee hours and when I get to thinking I sometimes cannot shut it off. It could be a loud noise (last night) or one of my old car accident injuries, or it could be inflammation from RA/t2d -> pain. skinwalking/ was a result of thinking about some things and imagining one of the neighborhood foxes paying my back yard visit like it did so often as a kit.
  • I have been doing the dangerous thing called thinking today (and, well, most of the day yesterday as well). I don’t know that I want to get into it, because it sounds odd even in my head and I’m the one thinking it. But, on the other hand, it has been something I’ve been struggling with trying to explain and describe here when I go off on some of my dinkum thinkum pieces — so I like that I’m internally making progress at the sacrifice of not being able to describe those particular thinks adequately. I don’t know that I will ever be able to, so there you go. Grokking is occurring, but not to the point that I can make sense of it for someone else.
  • Having said this before, I’m sure no one will believe me (least of all me), but I think I have gotten out my erotica-style poems for the time being. I have a new theme I want to explore and I don’t know that there is a good name for it, but Acquiesce and visioning/ are two pieces borne from some of that desire to for exploration. We’ll call it “trying to develop a sense of ecstatic”, with ecstatic being less related to sexual ecstasy, and more about the mystical ecstasy. See Rumi, although I lean in an entirely different direction of thought.
  • Work has been challenging. After being terribly slow these past few months, I suddenly have my plate full, namely with reviewing raw analytical data to make sure the data was processed and reported without error and properly. I haven’t done it for a number of years now, so I’m having to retrain myself how to look at the data. Combine that with the fact that I am unfamiliar with the laboratory’s presentation of the data and I feel like a blind man trying to cross a highway. If my responses to comments seem “off” it’s probably because I have at least one foot in the reams of raw instrumentation output. Fun! (not fun).
  • Doomscrolling. I don’t know what else to say about that other than recent events have gotten me to increase my tendency to doomscroll. Also: digging into my memories of Constitutional Law from when I wanted to be a forensic scientist only to discover that I might get paid more to be a janitor and would never be able to afford to pay back my student loan from a prestigious private university at the pay they were offering for Forensic Scientist I at the time. As it is, I’ll probably be paying that loan off until I retire, maybe longer. But Constitutional law has come up quite a bit recently for various reasons and I like to refresh my memory before writing crazy old guy comments to some of the WaPo opinion-piece writers who have a terrible grasp of the Constitution while they spew disinformation about what the Constitution says based on their cereal-box education and understanding on such matters. Having been accused of stifling someone’s right to free speech myself in a former incarnation of this blog, I know full well that most of what folks are hearing is utter balderdash because I argued with a troll at length about a similar matter before I shut him down completely…. But guns. And rallying cries. Social networks chaos. And too many people drinking the Koolaid. Bad mix. Doomscroll.

There’s also plotting world domination, but that doesn’t deserve a bullet point. Just ask Pinky.

8 thoughts on “Thoughting

  1. You had me at “skinwalking” but I utterly swooned at “grokking” and all a flutter at data analysis and I’m a goner at Constitutional Law. Did I say swoon? I absolutely meant swoon… all that aside… I hope you get some sleep! (And not so much Doomscrolling, okay?!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL. That’s a new reaction for me — I was half-afraid no one knew what I meant by grokking. I didn’t expect “swoon”; not in 100 years.

      I’ve gotten some sleep. Not enough, but I don’t recall the last time I had enough. As I’ve said elsewhere, there’s plenty of time to sleep when I die. I’ll probably survive. In fact, I was thinking I might do a sleep deprivation thing for “reasons” sometime soon. Maybe with fasting along with it. I haven’t done that in ages and I could use some cleansing of the brain after 2020.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh I’m a science fiction nerd. Especially hard sci-fi… but who hasn’t read Heinlein?!! Or am I weird? I don’t know.

        Funny you mention fasting though, because I had only decided ummm yesterday? that I would be doing another fast very soon. Last extended one I did, 42 days, man the visions I saw. I still… well, I still don’t have it all figured out. But it’s time.

        I love sleep too much to deprive myself of it willingly. Wait… hhmmm.. would that be a “sleep-fast”? Is that a thing. I don’t know. I don’t recommend the sleep deprivation thing but clearly you know something I don’t. I love to pick your brain about it though. I’m fascinated.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Pretty floaty things when you don’t sleep for a while. I’d say about half the time it isn’t planned. The other half I do it just because it opens up things a wee bit. I borrowed from some Lakota Haŋblečeya rituals (vision questing). Usually 48-72 hours is enough, especially combined with fasting, to make things interesting.

          I haven’t fasted longer than 6 days, and that’s when I was much younger. For non-spiritual reasons, I’ve considered going on an extended fast, but never got around to it with the other distractions I have.

          Liked by 1 person

          • That makes sense. I know of vision-questing, I just didn’t put two and two together.

            Most of the time I fast for health reasons. Sometimes 3-7 days but sometimes two weeks or more. I follow my instincts and fast until I feel it is time to stop fasting. The spiritual stuff just comes hand in hand, especially beyond 7 days. I also used to fast much more frequently when I was younger but these days, at least once a year, minimum 3-day. And boy if you can find someone to do it with, that helps, but I have never found anyone who would longer than ten days 🤷🏼‍♀️ And that’s okay too. I say, make the decision to do it, then Do It. If it’s one day, fine. If it’s thirty, that’s fine too. I prefer modified or evolving fasts. They work best for me. Anyway, neither here nor there… just adding three cents worth of non-solicited opinion.

            Liked by 1 person

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