D is for Desire (analysis)

How they want pain
How they need pain
How they crave pain
How they love pain

D is for desire
D stands for desire

All About Eve, D is for Desire

This is, as far as I know, the first single by All About Eve. I’m sure the song is available on the web, but I didn’t want to focus on the music, so I omitted the video link containing the song. It’s time for Professor Raven to sound pompous and important again (I also wear priests’ robes, watch out for those days). So let’s talk about these few words…

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Punish me with kisses

What happens when you mix Robert Smith, Steve Severin, too much time on your hands, Beatles admiration and a shit-ton of LSD? You end up with The Glove, a side project from the guys who played in Siouxsie together (and one as the front-man for The Cure).

Punish Me With Kisses is probably the most accessible song they wrote, so don’t let that fool you into thinking this was a “normal” sounding act. The rest of the album plays around with weird engineering techniques to bring out hidden messages and “fish-panning” so that some notes alternate between ears on a single instrument, boggling the mind a bit if you listen with headphones. Kind of like Pink Floyd on speed. Or the Beatles on meth. I dunno. It gets weird at points (like the song Orgy).

Robert Smith (Cure) and Steve Severin (Siouxsie & TB) side project; vox by Jeanette Landray

Your morning smile of torture holds me in it’s grip
You trace the taste of yesterday the bruise upon my lip
You touch my eyes and hypnotize and slip inside my heart
I wait for this forever but we always fall apart

You want to hold me closer and secretly entice
You take the size of shadowed men
And punish me with kisses every night

This espionage is sweeter now now that we’re alone
But I meet your eyes and then despise all we call our own
I write my name in lipstick on the mirror as I leave
To stay would be too dangerous
To break the make believe.

Playing games with pain

It’s not so much the intensity, but the persistence.

Last night I about gave up.


I have mentioned in the past, either obliquely or overtly, that pain is a constant companion for me.

I was recently asked as I winced while taking a step if it was my rheumatoid arthritis flaring up and I had to admit that I didn’t know. Probably not, I finally surmised after a few seconds of thought.

In this particular case, it was the whole of my foot and my calf from ankle to knee. My arthritis is firmly located in the joints (namely fingers, toes and the occasional ankle or knee flare-up). I don’t know for sure what was causing my pain, but seeing as my body is one big inflammation that no professionals are willing to take seriously beyond prescribing me the one thing I won’t take — antidepressants — I couldn’t say what exactly the source of that pain is.

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Longing for a tat

If there was no covid, I might be sporting at least one or more new tattoos.

After a hiatus of almost 25 years between ink, the raven I got inked on my inner forearm last summer (fifth raven in three tattoos; six tattoos total) has infected me with the bug to get more (although at least one family member is begging for temperance on the matter). Honestly, as I get older, I give even less of a shit about what people say about my tattoos and I am suffering from a massive craving to get more. Several more. Okay, more than several more.

The next one is likely going to be either some literary phrase (see my post about Alice quotes from a few days before), something with a shodo feel like Joey Pang’s (Tattoo Temple, Hong Kong) style of brush calligraphy (probably a taoist or zen phrase/poem), or another raven, but done in a Celtic/Nordic tribal style.

Artist: Joey Pang, Tattoo Temple, Hong Kong

Right now, we can get tattoos still in our area (there’s no lock-down on tattoo parlors), but it seems like a bad time to do it. I think I’ll wait until the vaccines make their rounds. But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming about the myriad tattoos I’d like to get.

I was only partially joking when I said I’d consider getting my head shaved and a raven tattooed over an ear. That idea was met with a resounding, “NO!” on the home-front, and so, with tears in my eyes, I let that idea go.

Largely for illustration of placement; I’d go less stylized and more tribal/authentic

More than sporting the new ink, I love the actual process — the pain, the tension, the discomfort, the realization that this is permanent…

Yes. I am strange. I’d considered trying to talk my way into a sundance at one point, but realized that I don’t crave piercing in the way that I crave the feeling of getting a tattoo.

But there’s something about the ritual of getting a tattoo that I long for. Each one is like a shamanic rite of passage, each tattoo a milestone. And the pain? When it helps me to forget the other pains I experience by drawing the focus away from those other pains. It’s therapeutic in its own way.

Man… I miss the feeling of getting ink: the anticipation, the pain and the healing itch/pain. Maybe summer of 2021…