Personal Monsters

With two days until the madness begins, I’m trying to get motivated for NaNoWriMo, but I feel more like a limp, deflated, burst balloon rag than I feel like a writer today. Now if there were only a Useful Pot to put me into…

I sometimes wish I knew why I was so compelled to write all the time (although that compulsion sometimes leaves me when I need it most, ugh). It’s not as if I crave fame or fortune, or that I feel that I’m a particularly good writer, although there have been enough other writers out there to boost my ego a bit as I read what they write… I don’t want to even go into some of the stuff I’ve read and been asked to give advice on or write a positive review for on Amazon. I get PTSD just thinking about some of it. But I’ve never considered myself a noteworthy writer, although that doesn’t stop me from iterating and refining and trying to be better. Nor, apparently, does it keep me from oversharing the results of my perversions.

Nor do I really feel qualified (outside of my children) in giving advice about writing, which is why I don’t tell anyone how to write and only spout out my own personal rules and theories about writing for myself, fully expecting to be ignored. If you take any of my writing advice to heart, do yourself a favor and forget it.

So, the end result is a not-completely-awful-compulsive-oversharing-writer.

With the various concepts I have for NaNoWriMo this year, I think several of them are potentially good, if not great, ideas. If they are done right.

And maybe that explains this whole limp balloon rag feeling I have — serious self-doubt about any ability I might have to leverage these concepts and wrangle them into something more than merely not-awful. Maybe I’m just an “ideas guy” and not really a writer at all. Believe me, I’ve considered the possibility that I might be the type who can come up with general plots and scenarios, but not the guy who can see them to completion. At bare minimum, I’m probably not the best guy to see them to completion.

Which brings up an interesting thought (this is new to me as of today): maybe I should seek out a collaborative effort with another writer where I set up the basic structures and play a lesser role in the writing.

But that’s not now. Now, I need to focus on what exactly I want to accomplish in November this year. Hopefully something less flaccid than I fear it might be.

Time to go kill monsters.

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3 thoughts on “Personal Monsters

  1. I have trouble seeing my written works through to completion as well. I’ve “finished” a few short stories, a screenplay, and also a lot of poetry, but in the words of the poet Paul Valéry: “In the eyes of those who anxiously seek perfection, a work is never truly completed—a word that for them has no sense—but abandoned”. I’ve yet to even come close to finishing a novel despite having a lot of ideas which I think are great, but I’ve tried collaborating with another writer once before and it didn’t go well. I think the mistake I made was accepting her invitation to work on a novel she had already started. Turns out she had reached a point where she couldn’t finish it because of writer’s block or something, and basically started treating me like a ghost writer, except she wasn’t paying me. So finally I got wise and backed out of the project. Anyway, I’m not sure that NaNoWriMo will be enough to motivate me to finally complete a novel, but I’m sure gonna try. Good luck and happy writing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sounds familiar… 😉

      I never look at NaNoWriMo anymore as anything but an excuse to write like a madman. I even forgive myself for not meeting the 50k goal. I did it several times and, while exhilarating, the thrill quickly fades as you realize you now have to grind tripe into something more palatable. I did eventually edit one “success” only to hide it away and hope no one ever found it — it was too autobiographical and I hadn’t realized it was until I was done editing.

      Publication would have been likely an embarrassing event 😉

      Good luck to you as well. May many glorious words find their way to your brain and then to your hand(s).

      Liked by 2 people

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