New Car, Caviar, Four-Star Daydream

I can’t do details which may be Top Secret, but there will be blood to pay come starting Monday. Or less money coming into the household, anyway. It’s the Dreaded CV’s fault that panic is an all time high and the lack of leadership that exacerbated the DCV situation that caused things to go haywire and, well, now it’s time for everyone to take their lumps in the non-government world (who never have to worry about pay during times like this and I fully expect they will pat each other on the back when the dust settles and vote themselves an increase in pay).

Was that vague enough for you? I surely hope so.

But, as the news came to pass, it because clear that — while not as dire as it might be — I should start looking a wee bit closer at the family finances instead of tossing money to the wind. That’s not to say we actually throw money out of our window on a blustery day because that would be just stupid, but we’re comfortable enough to not really have to consider small everyday pleasure purchases (“Sure honey, let’s order carry-out for the second time this week.”), but things may need to change a wee bit for a spell.

Being occasionally accused of have slightly more brain activity than a morel mushroom, I thought — Hey, I should maybe consider some personal finance software and determine if I really can afford that second order of chicken chow mein this week or if I need to be forward-thinking and save it for the case of ramen coming in from my monthly Amazon subscribe-and-save order next week [aside: too late on the ramen, I think folks are using it in the place of TP, the way it flew off the shelves around here].

I looked around and was properly flummoxed by the logic involved.

I’ll admit I’m not all that bright, so please correct me when I say that it seems bizarro to entrust my financial login names and passwords to a third party service in order to download my financial information to analyze it. I mean… those are the keys to the fricking castle, man. And you want me to… just… hand them over?

Shouldn’t we have some kind of mechanism where select information is one-way shared with a third-party provider, without giving them unfettered access to my finances? You know, some kind of token? Tokens are a thing, right?

Every free trial (only services that have decent referrals, not “Jacob’s Auto Repair and Personal Finance”) seemed to make this a requirement — the handing over of secure log-in information to upload your data automagickally.

I kept looking over my shoulder to see if someone was filming my research with a hidden camera, ready to leap out as tell me I am on Candid Camera (“What’s Candid Camera?” asks anyone born after 1980). I was not waiting to be told I was the next contestant on the Price is Right.

Is it just me, or is the required level of trust more than passing strange? I mean… I’m just sitting here on the Group W bench… And I’ma tryin’ to decide if I have the new financial buffer to allow myself a second white box of chicken chow mein and someone tell me in order to budget this out automagickally that I need to let them into the Royal Vault and to just trust them because their cousin might be a thief, but oh no, guvnar, they ain’t one themselves.

And so, in a fit of paranoia and bile, I have largely relegated myself to back of envelope calculations as to my net worth, because I’m not sure I trust anyone that much.

Oh. It was decided I should probably skip that extra carry-out, though I’m tempted to buy it in support of the local Asian community all the same and irritate the neighbors two blocks to the north of me who have signs in abundance in support of the Racist in Chief. They’d be sure to leave me alone, afraid I’d picked up that “Chinese Virus” from the food I’m carrying home. After all, I might throw it at them if they cursed me for eating from the enemy. ::EYEROLL::

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