reclamation/

©2021 Michael Raven

i blade reshape myself
cutting away pretense 
shaving off expectation
shearing connection
and parting with pasts
claiming new ᛇᛏᛏᛁᚱ
for i am born to these
by the wings i wear
new oaths sworn
at the foot of the tree

Kærasti

I love this piece from theweesmirk [repost from The Lexicon]

The Lexicon

In the star-scattered night,
              a breadth of graphite fog
            split like thighs for you
                                 the warrior
                        deceptively alone
                casting a sudden|bloodlust gaze
                                  for freedom
     
                    Voracious:
             roaming for     wealth
              histrionics & steel
                 A deadly combination
         moreso than the ornate two handed
                                                                axe
                   & the fresh tattoos on his back

              Devastation & reimposition
                            runs the gamut of
           the process/ what I’d become in a
                              firelight flicker
              for a moment, a wink, a.

lowly                      
                                          whisper
                                   of his love

–LM

[Photo credit goes to a screenshot from a Steam community for Senua’s Sacrifice]

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Anxiety

©2021 Michael Raven

I don’t know if anyone else has this issue, but I’m having one of those “anxious days”.

For some unknown reason, my anxiety has been escalating throughout the day. It happens every once in a while, and today is apparently one of those days. It’s one of those “I could use a drink or a smoke” kind of days, both of which have not been part of my life for over ten years. In fact, I’d probably be chain-smoking like a fiend if it were twenty years ago… I would get all tied up in knots, sometimes about actual things, but just as often about nothing that I could put my finger on — and then I would go through a pack or two a day (back when you could afford to do such things). Fortunately (or unfortunately), I don’t have that habit any longer to rely on. And drinking is out of the question.

I started off my day fine, aside from waking up later than usual and feeling discombobulated the whole morning as a result. Then I got back home from my one must-do chore for the day and started getting wound tighter and tighter as the day progressed. And, by the time cooking for dinner came around, I was.. not manic, but charged like you wouldn’t believe, and increasingly surly to boot.

Of course, it doesn’t help that I have issues with several of the rack extensions in Reason (for some reason, they all three decided not to speak to the PC keyboard’s “piano keys” in the past few days) and glitches always get me annoyed. Nor does it help that I had cleaning to take care of before I could cook. Nor does it help that I would much rather be doing something else than what I have available as options to do tonight. So, annoyed — I can see. But… anxious? Why?

I hate these anxious days. They make me want to just “run off and join the circus”, if anyone knows what I mean by that. I want to be selfish, to escape from everything and I have no outlet for that tonight. I want to go do irresponsible things and tell the world to take a flying leap at a rolling donut.

Because, honestly, I know I could potentially find a calmness after I gave in to these impulses, however selfish and impractical they are.

And maybe, just maybe, I should quit being so damned responsible all of the time. I don’t know that doing so ever helped me in the long run.

Photo by Brian James on Pexels.com

Podcasting lessons learned

©2021 Michael Raven

No, I’m not really podcasting in my opinion, just utilizing a free service to off-load the files from the site and maybe generate a little more traffic from that direction. I could have easily chosen Soundcloud except that their basic tier only allows for 300 minutes of storage, while Anchor (by Spotify) has unlimited storage from what I can see.

So, following the challenge from a friend and a subsequent decision to start posting a few pieces here and there as spoken word pieces, I have somewhat decided to keep up with this thing, as it has been a learning experience and I enjoy learning — for the most part.

One of the things I learned today is that the Podcast Player embed by WP wasn’t really meant to be a single-episode player, but a “recently published” podcast player. So, if you notice, I’ve replaced the podcast player on all the previous posts with spoken word to buttons with direct links to the pieces.

I’m not sure that’s the best solution, but it is a solution.

I’ve also learned that their stats at Anchor might be a bit unreliable, and don’t match up with other stats I’m following. Not that I want to get hung up on numbers, but I like to kind of know where the hits and misses are.

I’ve explored Audacity and using Reason 10 for recording. Both have their positives and negatives. In the end, I like the flexibility that Reason gives me to add background music (Anchor has the option, but without any control and most of it is quite awful — not saying my own stuff is better). In the end, Reason will give me more options, but I might bump back to Audacity for “quick and dirty” recordings — Reason works fine, but requires intermediate steps and I end up using Audacity anyway to transfer the piece to MP3, seeing as Reason doesn’t have the license to commercially redistribute the MP3 codex (Audacity is freeware, and I think that’s how they avoid the fees for redistributing the codex).

While today’s post has some more music/sound effects, I’m probably going to lean away from that in the future. It just takes too much time for even the most basic of backgrounds. Then again, I hate the dead space, so I’m not 100% how I want to solve that.

If any of my readers wants to save themselves the effort of making my mistakes and need casual advice on how to do these things yourself (I am not a professional), let me know — I’m always willing to help where I can.

Photo by Tommy Lopez on Pexels.com

urðr galdr/

©2021 Michael Raven

shadowed --
i look to mother moon
for her cold comfort to
chill this burning ache
throbbing so in my chest
i think i may have been
dreaming too hard
under her bright
autumn light

lunacy, some might say

and
perhaps...

perhaps
they are
right

spellbound:
is this aptrburdhr rebirth
cast in the cloth of
you me and these?
because this is what
i dreamt
hanging under the
gallows tree

i would shed an eye
for the eternal you
to know those mysteries
those things
merely misplaced
if my dreaming was
true

The spoken word version can be found by following this link if the podcast player does not appear in this post (as it may not, if using WordPress reader to view my posts).

Photo by Tejas Prajapati on Pexels.com

crawl/

©2021 Michael Raven

these are the
thistle hours
pricking with
silence & shadow
that long drag
to witching hours
pulling on the
minute hand so
threatening a
night of forevers
& time burning
slow
fingers arthritic
hover, linger over
arrows in the dark
but decline to touch
passions &
temptations
held back while the
clock is finally
struck